Tonight my task is to finish writing the bell parts and to write out the snare and bass drum parts. I found out today that there is a large number of the volunteers going to the other islands from Friday-Tuesday, so I'm going to go along with them. There is another music teacher that is there now, and although he still doesn't have any insight, he can read music. I talked to him today, and he said as long as I have it written out to give him tomorrow, he can teach the kids for a few days.
Ready for some raw thoughts for the day? I feel very isolated and extremely overwhelmed. No one from the organization I'm with or from the schools I'm teaching at understand that every part of this endeavor is a process. For example, the music teacher at the high school today didn't understand why I didn't have all of the music written out. He realizes that I am not buying the music and I'm writing it all on my own. However, he expected for it to be done today. I just... That's not possible, at least for someone that hasn't done this before. They're aware of that, too, by the way. Also, he doesn't seem to like what I'm doing with this kids, but he offers no suggestions, even when I ask. Again, this is a process. It takes time, a LOT of time. The kids can't even remember how to hold their sticks, let alone play all of the music even if I had it written! I'm trying to introduce everything slowly for comprehension and retention while still trying to incorporate something interesting so that the kids stay engaged. It's just hard. It's so very, very hard when no one understands.
Then again, though, that's my profession. No one realizes that being a music major isn't sitting in hippie circles playing an instrument all day. No one realizes the countless hours that go into work behind the scenes (like selecting and writing music, answering emails, practicing, searching for supplies...the list goes on and on). No one realizes that this profession is all collaboration with colleagues, that it truly can't be done alone. No one realizes that music should be played for the sake of music; it isn't to raise test scores or enhance learning in other subjects. Music is essential to the development of a person's mind, heart, and soul. Music is completely necessary to learn, and it must be taught without competition or perfection being held as ideals. Yes, we should strive for excellence, but is excellence really perfection? Can music, as an art, ever truly be perfect? And, more importantly, what is perfect art? As conductors and educators and listeners, we'll never truly know a composer's intent, the exact decibel of the forte or piano s/he desired, or the precise magnitude of happiness or disparity that was on his/her mind. Being informed, yes. Learning history, yes. Learning theory, yes. Developing musicianship, yes. Having respect, yes. Striving for excellence, yes. But perfection? I'm not sure it exists in the context of music.
So what does this have to do with today? Everything. Learning the art is a process. There are thousands of people that have been in music since they could walk that have not mastered the art before dying. The process is long, and the process is personal. Right now, I don't have all of the tools I need to convey that to the students. If I'm being honest, I don't know if I'll ever have all of the tools to do that. Especially here, though; I just don't have it. The process is slower. There are more mistakes along the way. There is more trial, and there is much more error. However, there is still the ideal of striving for excellence, for giving the students ownership, and for keeping them engaged and invested in not only the performance, but in the art itself. Yes, it's difficult, but it will happen...in time.