Excited. Nervous. Open. Afraid. All of these emotions are constantly running through me. One minute I am thrilled to be going on this journey, and the next I just want to cuddle up in bed and cry.
Have you ever just known something? Something in your heart and your gut is screaming from the inside, but logic can't exactly place what that feeling is about. I've felt that since Day 1 of planning this trip. You see, I was supposed to be going on a trip to Ghana with the honors cohort I'm a part of at Kennesaw State University. However, my mom wasn't very keen of that idea, so we came up with a compromise: I would find something music-related to do this summer that was just as adventurous. Honestly, I don't think she thought I would follow through, and I didn't think I would either! I'm known to have these grand ideas but not have the time to implement them. However, this just felt different. I spent the month of July searching for options to teach music for the following summer. That's when I stumbled upon Performing Arts Abroad and the study abroad programs they had with teaching music. After an application process, my placement was determined. I would be going to the Galapagos Islands for eight weeks. The news didn't seem real (and quite honestly it still doesn't!). However, I began making arrangements to create a course and get financial aid...all of the red-tape a student has to go through at the university level.
About five weeks later, I was lying in bed doing my devotional for the night when something hit me. (Quick background: I grew up Catholic in Connecticut, but began attending a Baptist church in Georgia when the music director came to my band class in 9th grade looking for people to play in the orchestra. I was saved 18 months later). When I was saved in July 2010, I felt the Holy Spirit calling me to bring music to children in another part of the world so that they would have the opportunity to find God through music like I had. At the time, I hadn't thought the plan through. I just knew that I would go to college for music education, get a grant to buy instruments and music, and go to some corner of the world to teach music to kids. However, in the reality of applying for, choosing, and attending college, I had completely forgotten about this two-year pull on heart.
At that moment lying in my bed, I realized that I had done exactly what I had felt called to do five year earlier. I just knew that God had arranged all of this! He is always faithful. I felt His presence in that moment, and I knew that if this trip was truly His plan, all of the details would work themselves out.
Sure enough, they did. First, I found a flight at less than half the cost of what they had been since the time I knew I was going on the trip (and they haven't gotten any cheaper). Then, I applied for the Benjamin A. Gilman International Scholarship and was awarded as a recipient, which is a tremendous honor. Between the Gilman and the scholarship I received from KSU, the cost of my trip was covered, and I had money to spare. My two worries being gone affirmed to me that God was in control.
However, His affirmations did not stop there. As Saturday approaches faster and faster, I find more moments when the fear in my heart urges me to cancel the trip altogether. However, each and EVERY time, I am surrounded by unexpected encouragement. Mostly little things, like my lease being finalized for me to sign before I leave or unexpected financial support from somewhere. Some things, though, were undoubtedly God things. For example, last week when I felt consumed by fear and doubt, I received a Facebook message from a sister of Tau Beta Sigma from another chapter asking me for my home-stay address so that she can send me words of encouragement throughout my time in the Galapagos. The timing in her reaching out to me couldn't have been more perfect!
I can't explain how much this trip truly is a part of God's plan for me. I was making a little something for my mom to have when I'm gone, and I stumbled upon the verses listed in the sidebar, Isaiah 41:13-14. Although my wordly mind is worrisome, my heart is rested knowing that He is in control. I begin this journey with no expectations other than that He will guide me in this opportunity He has so carefully laid out before me.
Before I go, I do have to say thank you. Thank you to my family and friends for your prayers and words of encouragement and support. Thank you to my professors and mentors who have done everything from signing papers to reviewing essays, from helping me create lessons to teach to letting me express my heart to you. Thank you to my PEGS cohort for always making me feel like I can accomplish anything. Thank you to my TBS sisters for reaching out and understanding the calling of a servant heart. Thank you to my Chris for everything from cutting words out of scholarship essays to grounding me when I'm stressed. Thank you to my grandparents for being my rock and my #1 cheerleaders. Thank you to my mom for believing in me every step of the way, and even more so in the moments when I don't believe in myself; for providing for me in every way that you can; for growing in God with me and reminding me daily that He is in control. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Have you ever just known something? Something in your heart and your gut is screaming from the inside, but logic can't exactly place what that feeling is about. I've felt that since Day 1 of planning this trip. You see, I was supposed to be going on a trip to Ghana with the honors cohort I'm a part of at Kennesaw State University. However, my mom wasn't very keen of that idea, so we came up with a compromise: I would find something music-related to do this summer that was just as adventurous. Honestly, I don't think she thought I would follow through, and I didn't think I would either! I'm known to have these grand ideas but not have the time to implement them. However, this just felt different. I spent the month of July searching for options to teach music for the following summer. That's when I stumbled upon Performing Arts Abroad and the study abroad programs they had with teaching music. After an application process, my placement was determined. I would be going to the Galapagos Islands for eight weeks. The news didn't seem real (and quite honestly it still doesn't!). However, I began making arrangements to create a course and get financial aid...all of the red-tape a student has to go through at the university level.
About five weeks later, I was lying in bed doing my devotional for the night when something hit me. (Quick background: I grew up Catholic in Connecticut, but began attending a Baptist church in Georgia when the music director came to my band class in 9th grade looking for people to play in the orchestra. I was saved 18 months later). When I was saved in July 2010, I felt the Holy Spirit calling me to bring music to children in another part of the world so that they would have the opportunity to find God through music like I had. At the time, I hadn't thought the plan through. I just knew that I would go to college for music education, get a grant to buy instruments and music, and go to some corner of the world to teach music to kids. However, in the reality of applying for, choosing, and attending college, I had completely forgotten about this two-year pull on heart.
At that moment lying in my bed, I realized that I had done exactly what I had felt called to do five year earlier. I just knew that God had arranged all of this! He is always faithful. I felt His presence in that moment, and I knew that if this trip was truly His plan, all of the details would work themselves out.
Sure enough, they did. First, I found a flight at less than half the cost of what they had been since the time I knew I was going on the trip (and they haven't gotten any cheaper). Then, I applied for the Benjamin A. Gilman International Scholarship and was awarded as a recipient, which is a tremendous honor. Between the Gilman and the scholarship I received from KSU, the cost of my trip was covered, and I had money to spare. My two worries being gone affirmed to me that God was in control.
However, His affirmations did not stop there. As Saturday approaches faster and faster, I find more moments when the fear in my heart urges me to cancel the trip altogether. However, each and EVERY time, I am surrounded by unexpected encouragement. Mostly little things, like my lease being finalized for me to sign before I leave or unexpected financial support from somewhere. Some things, though, were undoubtedly God things. For example, last week when I felt consumed by fear and doubt, I received a Facebook message from a sister of Tau Beta Sigma from another chapter asking me for my home-stay address so that she can send me words of encouragement throughout my time in the Galapagos. The timing in her reaching out to me couldn't have been more perfect!
I can't explain how much this trip truly is a part of God's plan for me. I was making a little something for my mom to have when I'm gone, and I stumbled upon the verses listed in the sidebar, Isaiah 41:13-14. Although my wordly mind is worrisome, my heart is rested knowing that He is in control. I begin this journey with no expectations other than that He will guide me in this opportunity He has so carefully laid out before me.
Before I go, I do have to say thank you. Thank you to my family and friends for your prayers and words of encouragement and support. Thank you to my professors and mentors who have done everything from signing papers to reviewing essays, from helping me create lessons to teach to letting me express my heart to you. Thank you to my PEGS cohort for always making me feel like I can accomplish anything. Thank you to my TBS sisters for reaching out and understanding the calling of a servant heart. Thank you to my Chris for everything from cutting words out of scholarship essays to grounding me when I'm stressed. Thank you to my grandparents for being my rock and my #1 cheerleaders. Thank you to my mom for believing in me every step of the way, and even more so in the moments when I don't believe in myself; for providing for me in every way that you can; for growing in God with me and reminding me daily that He is in control. I don't know what I'd do without you.